I’ve always known this day would come. At least odds were that it would with a dog’s lifespan being so much shorter than a man’s. And though I’ve seen her slow down and her health begin to fail and I knew her days were numbered, I am simply not prepared for her absence.
Everytime I get up to move, I expect to see her do the same only she’s gone. . I just cut up some peppers to pickle. I couldn’t touch a knife to a cutting board without HeyLeigh being right there waiting to sample whatever I was making. Every creak and click in this old cedar home and metal roof fools me into thinking she’s walking through the house. When I get out of bed in the morning I cautiously put my feet to the floor making sure not to step on her. But she’s not there. I lack all desire to go for a walk through the mountains in the morning, something HeyLeigh and I did regularly. It just isn’t the same!
Frankly, nothing is the same! Yes, I understand that I am grieving. Grief isn’t exactly a stranger to me. But it’s been many years since I grieved and many years since I was truly alone.
So here I am! I’d always said that when HeyLeigh passed on I would take a trip abroad. Visit family in the Faroe Islands and perhaps Switzerland. The research, planning and preparation to make this trip just seems too much for me. Getting up to go to the mailbox it about the limit of my energy.
My last dog, Asti (a boxer) was as devoted a per as I’ve ever had. And she was 100% dependable. Ending her uncomfortable life was a difficult decision as well. But, I believe our domestic pets are our responsibility. When we can no longer give them reasonable quality of life changes must be made. In the case of aging a point is reached where the quality is gone. You can see the sadness in their eyes when they can’t fetch or go for a walk or even climb up stairs.
In HeyLeigh’s case, the desire was there. She just couldn’t do it any more. I didn’t mind carrying her up and down stairs as long as she was happy. When she reached the point where she was distressed both physically and emotionally and I could do nothing about it, it was time. In her case she went from old and decrepit but still smiling to complete distress in a matter of just a few days.
So, my day is now divided between researching travel abroad and finding another Border Collie/Blue Heeler mix puppy. I know I’ll get another puppy. I don’t think I could survive without a loyal companion. If I find a puppy, I will not be able to travel abroad. Without my HeyLeigh, I have no desire to travel.
Well, maybe tomorrow will be better.